When Mental Illness Feels Terminal: A Call for Understanding

Trigger Warning: This article discusses sensitive topics related to mental health, including suicide attempts and suicidal thoughts. If you find these topics distressing or triggering, please proceed with caution. If you or someone you know is struggling, please refer to the crisis resources listed at the end of the article for support.

I pride myself on being authentic and sharing some of my experiences with others, which drew me back into writing several years ago. However, I have moments that make me anxious and apprehensive about being too open because it does leave me vulnerable even years after the fact.

I will try to be brave here and share things that are hard to discuss; even though I have processed them, it still feels embarrassing. As I write this now, I realize that it is because of “stigma” I am feeling this. I have to remind myself — this isn’t for the judgmental person who does not care about or believe in mental illness; this is for the person hanging on to life by a thread.

So here goes…

In the past, I have had a couple of suicide attempts and a whole lot of reckless behavior. I didn’t want to live anymore because I could not seem to cope with my own pain. I had walked around for a long time with undiagnosed trauma. Also, I developed an addiction that I was using to cope with my pain.

I know how, after a suicide attempt, the world is different; people are different. You find out who your…