From Darkness to Light: A Tale of Loss, Addiction, and Self-Rediscovery

I wanted to write something different today that is more than just an informational piece about topics I am passionate about. I want to write about why these things matter to me.

I never envisioned a life where I didn’t live in my hometown or where I had a real career doing something meaningful. Some days, I struggle to grasp that I have gone much further than I ever expected. But the road to here, my present day, is quite rocky.

In December 2002, my father died from an accidental self-inflicted gunshot wound. It was a bizarre shock and highly traumatic for me. I can trace many of the ripples I have had from that day to now, right back to that event. It was the catalyst for many things. That one was highly traumatic for not just myself but my entire family, and I have to wonder, on occasion, how different my life would be if this event had never happened.

I walked around for a long time, angry at the world. I never allowed myself to grieve properly as I was about five months pregnant with one of my children then. My husband (now ex-husband) at that time was trying to help me help my family get through this difficult time.

My inability to properly grieve slowly festered, and the relationship between my husband and I began to waver. The cracks in our marriage started here but were not as apparent until a couple of years later, when we were both addicted to meth.